I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This is my gift to your gina
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
