I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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