Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
