I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
