oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
