Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
