I feel great
I just peed on a car
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
