3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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