Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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