Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
