Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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