I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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