i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think a kid would responsible me up
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
