he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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