yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
