If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
