Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
ok first of all what the fuck
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
