My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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