Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
