wrigley field is MILF paradise
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
