Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
