I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
