She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize