When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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