and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
