Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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