remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
so much tequila, so little girl.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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