I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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