Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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