Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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