onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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