Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
