There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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