it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize