We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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