is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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