Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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