Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
