it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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