The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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