so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
