I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
