he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm too high and old for this...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
