I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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