you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize