I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
