Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize