My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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