i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize