he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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