thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
