I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
