I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
