i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
