I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
