You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
