I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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