Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
