So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
