the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
