i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
