Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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