Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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