every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
