i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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