I love black thongs
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
