Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
