We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize