i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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