Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
