I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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