Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Couch. On fire.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
