Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
