she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize