dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
