maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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