just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
