Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
