dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
