Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
