just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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