maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
