she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wish there were birth control emojis
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
