i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
