I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
