so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
