Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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