so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
