This house was built for laser tag.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
