the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
