Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i drank out of a bidet.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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