and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My bed smells like the plague
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
