dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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