Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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