i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
