cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
