I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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