It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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