OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
