I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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