A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize