Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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