He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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