I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
