this beer tastes like vomit already
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
