Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
